"I'm Ready"

It's what my grandfather shouted before he had his third heart attack last night. And now he's in a coma. He is the first person that I know of/am personally close to (related to) who is in coma. I am scared. Actually, I am beyond that. I am terrified. As soon as I got off the phone with my mother a few minutes ago, I began to shake and shed a few tears. Most people would see this as uncaring, but this is something that I rarely do, cry let alone feel completely torn about something and be visibly upset about it. I wish that there was something that I could do. I asked my mother what the doctors said about his being in a coma and told me that they said to just pray. The fact that the only thing that a doctor can say about something like this is pray is just...I don't even know what. I'm going to pray and hope that everything will be alright, but this is his third heart attack, and one gets to the point where they have to start viewing things realisitically. I don't know what to do. Did my grandfather mean when he said "I'm ready" that he was ready to leave this world? My mother thinks so, and I think that I do too. But I'm not ready.

Time is of the Essence

So, while I was busy not being productive, my thoughts took me to an interesting place. I find it absolutely crazy that it's already almost the end of the year. So much has happened. So much. But at the same time, I feel as though the year has barely even started. I feel like there was so much more that I wanted to accomplish and experience. So many things have become clear these past months. In about two months it will be the year 2010. That's a terrifying thought. I'm getting so old.

In two and a half years, I will be graduating from the university with an undergraduate degree in music education. It feels like I've been working so hard all my life for something that would never come. But it's coming and it's closer than ever before. I'm both nervous and very excited at the same time. A new and very different chapter. I worry that I might not be very good at doing what I've been studying these past three years. That I'll be in a classroom and have no idea what to do with the children sitting before me. But at the same time, I have to know that everything will be alright. Time will help me gain the knowledge that I need.

This month is filled with so many things that I feel like it is just going to fly by. I have three concerts that I have to perform in, never-ending amounts of projects and arranging assignments, work, Thanksgiving, my sister's birthday, New Moon movie (yeah, I'm semi-excited for it...).

Also, Friday I went to my first party in college. Ever. Yeah, kind of sad. I'm almost 21 years of age and five months before my 21st birthday I attend my first collegiate party. I'm surprised that I did go and am glad at the same time that I made that decision. It was a Halloween party so I think that one of the main things that motivated me to attend was the possiblity of candy being involved. And costume wearing/seeing other people's costumes. Amongst other things. I only stayed for about three hours but I had a lot of fun.

Let's see what this month will have in store for me. Hopefully a lot of good and exciting experiences. I like those.