Silenced

Sometimes I feel like my intelligence is underestimated and/or misunderstood. People talk to me like I'm a walking-talking encyclopedia. They see me as the "brain" in certain situations, able to rattle off ancient knowledge and obscure facts. On the other side of things, in my opinion, people also talk to me like an immature 16 year old. They speak to me as if I don't (and can't) understand real life situations, as if I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Perhaps it is because of my physical appearance that people think I am incapable of imparting words of wisdom. Maybe it's because I laugh a lot. Either way, this is something that I have noticed in my encounter with people as of late.

I find this assessment a confusing combination of funny, absurd, and (somewhat) offensive. I find it fascinating that I am perceived in the way stated above because if anything, I feel as if it is actually the other way around.

I've also realized that for many years I have made it a goal for others to perceive me as "book smart", and even though I suppose I did "succeed" in that goal, I think it went a little too far. Too far because other parts of my intelligence, specifically my (I don't mean this in a full-of-myself kind of way) wisdom of life and people has been diminished to a point that it is perceived as no longer existing.

In this way, I feel like my true voice has been silenced. And that is unbelievably worrisome to me.