Compromises & Sacrifices: Remember Who You Are

So, here's the deal. Yes, I can be a little cynical, or satirical if you will. Yes, I'm not a happy-go-lucky or bouncing off the walls happy kind of gal. Yes, I'm more of a realist with an occasional pessimist twist. Yes too, I can be a bit of a robot when interacting with humans. I try to stay as far away from them as I can. I prefer the beautiful echo-y sounds of silence. I can be a bit of a loner. (And for good reason.)

But you know what? I don't think that many are aware of how much I sacrifice to make them feel comfortable while interacting (or lack thereof) with me. I don't think even I realized how much of myself I was hiding away to make other people comfortable or continue their lives in blissful ignorance.

Being a quiet and intelligent person, though beautiful (in my personal and unbiased opinion) is also a curse. It is a curse because for most of your life people (try to) force you out of that silence and refuse or are incapable of understanding and fully appreciating said intelligence. Instead of filling the air with wonder, they fill it with mindless never-ending chatter. Therefore, because of this, you compromise. By adulthood, it's something you don't fully realize you're doing anymore. It becomes second nature.

However, as of late. I am growing tired of this perpetual dance, this constant compromising of myself. Sacrificing what makes me who I am. It's not necessarily that I want to hide myself, but how do you interact with someone who cannot converse on your level of constant wonder of the world around them? Who wants to philosophize about human nature, discuss our innermost motivations, politics, physics, etc. If your conversation partner is unwilling or unable to partake in those types of discussions, what do you do? You (learn to) stay silent, as I have for many many years. Yes, people always say that I can be terribly quiet. Well, this is the reason why. Can't talk to you if I can't actually talk to you.

But on the flip side, instead of filling my ears with incessant noise, I wish they would just take the time to be considerate, as I am on such a constant basis. However, I am constantly forced to not only engage but to listen, and be fully active in that tiresome endeavor.

But in doing that, I constantly sacrifice a part of myself for someone else's comfort. I do it as effortlessly as a blink of an eye. And maybe it's because of my health issues, but I'm getting tired of it.

I say all of this because I wish that once in a while this act were acknowledged. And I wish that maybe, just maybe, for once people would compromise for me. Be mindful, thoughtful, and respectful of who I am. Acknowledge the girl standing before you. Let me be me. If nothing else, a gift of silence will do just fine.