For starters, applauding my self for that lil' bit of alliteration! Ten points to Ravenclaw!!
And on a different note: I need to talk about something that has been a part of my life for years now, but I never knew what it was, what it was called. For so so many years I experienced a myriad of symptoms that doctors wrote off as stress-related, or simply non-existent. I remember that fateful day the ball dropped. It was the end of January 2009 and I was rushed to the hospital thinking I had the flu (or something mildly worse). But at the end of that hospital visit, I was told that I was working too hard and to rest.
And so my journey began. From nausea to dizziness, from headaches to full body aches, sensitivity to my environment: smells, temperatures, pressure, etc. Fatigue and insomnia. Memory issues. The list goes on and on and on. And over the years, they got worse, and even more symptoms continued to show up. I continued following up with so many different doctors, specialists, tests, but they ALL came back as clean as a hospital wall (ha). So of course I was written off. I was even told to see a therapist because clearly everything was fine and I was in perfect health. But I didn't FEEL fine. Everything felt wonky, and constantly. Just this past fall, I got to a point where I was fully bedridden, couldn't work, or move for that matter, barely hanging on from the sheer pain and agony of it all (and trust me, I am not exaggerating (and if you know me well, you know that I am not even capable of fully exaggerating anything)).
But this past November (2015), I finally *FINALLY* received an answer. After all these years, since January 2009, I learned that I have something called fibromyalgia.
Yep, that's right. I'm not some crazy lady who suffers from hypochondria (because LOL SO MUCH NOPE). I have fibromyalgia. And for those of you who don't know what that is, essentially it is a chronic pain and fatigue syndrome/disease (nobody really knows). And this diagnosis, I learned, explains so thoroughly what I have been experiencing for so long, it's unbelievable. In fact, some of things I thought were "normal" or that other people probably experienced at some point were in fact symptoms as well.
A perfect example of this was when I went to Paris last year, and every day, though amazing, was filled with so much pain and exhaustion. I had a terrible time navigating the metro stations that were filled to the brim with staircases. Walking around, though ideal and my most preferred way to get around, was extremely difficult as well. But I figured, it's a lot of exercise, I'm sure I'm not alone. To make my point, the city is beautiful at night, or so I'm told. I was so tired and in so much pain that for the entire month I was in Paris, I NEVER EVER saw it at night. I never saw the Eiffel Tower light up. I never sat by the Seine and enjoyed its peace under the night time sky. I never saw the moon! I was too busy curled up in bed recuperating from the day(s), trying feebly to regain some energy for the next day of class, concerts, and adventures.
But I have to say, I am so so glad to finally know what has been plaguing my life all these years. To finally have an answer is like a huge weight finally being lifted from my shoulders (metaphorically anyway, physically not so much unfortunately). And I write about it because I think fibromyalgia is something that so many people (including the medical community) are unaware of. And how much this diagnosis truly affects someone's life. It may not be a terminal disease, but my goodness, every day is such a struggle.
It's crazy that on that fateful day in January 2009 that I woke up and felt
sick, and never ever got better. But I'm still here, and that's what's most important of all.
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